“Forgiving” God
Forgiving is in quotes for a reason. But read on…
Almost seven years ago, I went through the unimaginable pain of losing my husband. Soon after, I got my daughter into counseling, knowing that she needed to work through the pain. I put all of my focus on her and her healing. It took about three years before I realized that I thoroughly resented the position I was in. I had to go back to work. I didn’t have time to process for myself, and I was just…mad. I couldn’t imagine why God would put me through this absolutely horrific pain.
But at the same time, I knew I couldn’t continue. So like Jacob, one night I wrestled with God. Trying to understand. Pouring out my heart to him and letting him know how hurt I was. But that night I decided to forgive God. This is where that night led me:
Truth About Forgiveness The world we live in today is a “me” culture. We are hyper-focused on how we feel and how people have wronged or offended us. Forgiveness is defined as “giving up resentment of a perceived wrong” and “granting relief of payment.” To think that we need to forgive God would be to think that He had somehow done us wrong. While we don’t like what happened, if it’s God’s will, it could never be wrong. If God had done something wrong, He could not be God. So it isn’t that definition. Is it that God owes you something? We know the answer to that is a resounding NO.
Today’s definition of forgiveness includes our feelings. We feel that God has wronged us, and we need to address that before our relationship can continue. If we don’t, that would cause a rift and we would not be fully committed to Him. We’d be looking for “the other shoe to drop” and not give our full trust in the plans that he has for us.
But thinking God needs your forgiveness isn’t the right way. You absolutely need to address your feelings, hurt and frustration. And ask for help. Perhaps try this prayer…
Father God. I thank you for who You are in my life. I understand that your ways are not my ways and my plans are not your plans. Although I hurt today, I ask for your comfort and help in removing this pain. I ask for your help in seeing how this situation may be used for your greater purpose. I ask that you continue to use me. Help me see the greater plan that you have for my life.
That night I was able to change from me granting God my forgiveness to repenting like never before. I don’t expect that most of you reading this will have had the same pain I did. But I’m sure you have faced some disappointment or turmoil that you felt should’ve gone a different way. And in that disappointment, you may have felt that God turned his back on you. Here are some tips to what has helped me in the last few years.
1. Accept what has happened. There are 7 commonly accepted stages of grief, the last of which is acceptance. I believe that grief comes with any loss – loss of a job, friendship, opportunity. You cannot move forward until you have come to accept what has happened, realize that you cannot go back in time and change it. You cannot move forward if you are still bargaining with God or if you holding on to anger. Accept it. It is done. It’s now time to move on.
2. Stop trying to understand His plan. He has ordered your steps, yes. But you don’t need to know the exact path. Once you know the plan, then you will try to affect the plan, saying “I can stray her, but get back on over there.” Once you know the plan, you will try to control the plan. And trust, you will mess it up.
3. Open communication with God. Let God know how you feel. Tell Him of your hurts. Tell Him of your hopes. Pour your heart out, so He can pour in.
4. Stay away from destructive behavior. Acting out because of your pain, frustration or anger will not do anything to alleviate it. It will actually just add on to the pain.
5. Ask God for His forgiveness. You got mad, you lost faith, you strayed away from Him. Let’s just be honest here. You felt He abandoned you, turned His back on you or hurt you. It may have felt right in the moment, but truly, you need to ask God for His forgiveness.
A – Ask for forgiveness for not having complete faith and trust and love for God who is in control of all. He has plans for your life.
B – Ask for forgiveness for having an egocentric view of the world and focusing so heavily on yourself. Your pain today may be used to bless someone else tomorrow. There are so many pieces to the plan that we cannot fathom. You just need to trust that God is in control and that all things are working together for your good.
Some of you may not have had such an extreme case of being upset with God for how situations have turned out. But you likely have had it to some extent. While forgiveness is important for one another, let’s remember that our Father God has more in store for us than we could ever have for ourselves. And let’s just put our faith and trust in Him.
